First Responder Family Perspective: Sewing Pants

by Diana Festejo | Jul 1, 2020 | Client Stories

A First Responder’s Family Perspective

A heartfelt client story from the perspective of a First Responder’s spouse, reflecting on the emotional toll of their partner’s work. The story explores the daily sacrifices that first responders make and how their loved ones experience the toll of their commitment. From facing the unknown on a daily basis to the emotional burden of watching their partners serve, this narrative highlights the strength and resilience of both first responders and their families.

It also touches on the impact of such work on personal lives, relationships, and the emotional toll that comes with it. This story is a powerful reminder of the daily courage and sacrifices made by first responders and the unwavering support of their families who stand behind them through every challenge, knowing that the world can be a dangerous place but proud of the service they give to their communities. Their courage, and the courage of their families, are essential to ensuring safety and security, even in the face of overwhelming adversity.

Today I am sewing another pair of pants. A pair of pants in a pile of many that are torn, have holes worn through, and hems that have completely let go.

With each stitch I sew I am wondering; “When did this hem come un-done?” Did it come un-done when my husband was getting into the police truck? His step weighted down by his duty belt, his kevlar vest, and his broad shoulders that willingly carry the burdens of others? Or was it when he chased on foot the man who had just brutally assaulted his wife? He was running after him because this man punched him and took off claiming he “wasn’t done”.

Maybe it was when he was pushed backwards down a flight of stairs after bending down to help up a child who was left unattended and alone at a house party that had gotten out of control? Or maybe it happened when he ran into a burning building without hesitation to ensure the children who were inside playing with matches had gotten out? It could have been when he climbed inside of a smoking car at the scene of an accident to cut a man free from his seatbelt bringing him to safety at the side of the road while shielding him from the sight of his deceased wife… wait, no, it couldn’t have been then. That happened when we were on vacation. He wasn’t even on duty that day, but that didn’t matter. That never matters.

When you are called you are called 24/7. It doesn’t matter if it is Christmas day or any other holiday, their child’s first birthday or their wedding anniversary, in any moment ‘the called’ will be there for you and for your family, leaving behind their own.

I suppose this hem could have come un-done when he was playing street hockey with some kids in town during a quiet afternoon. Or it could have even unraveled at the hand of a child who was sitting on the floor beside him after a DARE class. The little boy wanted to talk and got his attention by pulling at the cuff of his pants…

As the moments pass and I continue to sew I am overcome with emotion. Suddenly my hands are trembling in anger, confusion, desperation, and sadness and my thoughts shift; “I suppose it doesn’t matter how the hem came un-done, what matters is that I still have to sew his pants”. Today my husband will need his pants. Today duty will call and he will gladly serve. Today he needs to go out that door into the unknown and protect our community. Today my heart will ache at the unknown from the time the door closes and he walks out, until it opens again and he walks through it into my waiting arms. Today I will worry about him more than ever. Today my fear has increased because once again a monster has threatened our well being; – mine, yours, my husband’s, everyone’s. Today there is another First Responder spouse who is mourning an unimaginable, earth shattering, life altering, utterly senseless loss… learning she will never have to sew her husband’s pants ever again. Today she learned that she has to say goodbye.  Today, other First Responders will be dealing with sights, sounds and carnage that takes a terrible toll on the human soul and spirit, on themselves and their families.

Another tear falls down my face as I realize that today I am not just sewing “another pair of pants”. Today I am trying to stitch my world back together after my sense of safety has once again been shaken. Today I mourn with my fellow spouse and spouses. Today just as I hold these pants in my hand I hold a piece of every single First Responder and every one of their family members across Canada in my heart. They are an extension of my family and they are my family. They are my husband, and my two brothers. They are some of my closest friends and confidents. They are my neighbours. They are my family away from home, and wherever I go, they are there.

Everyday, Police Officers, Fire Fighters and Emergency Medical Services, all over the country are working hard to help ensure that you are safe, rescued or treated. Today and every day these men and women are what stand’s between you and a very scary, rapidly unraveling world.  As I take this all in and although my heart is very heavy, I am also beaming with pride. I am beaming with pride because at the end of the day the evil in this world will not win. I know that even if the hem in their pants comes un-done, THEY WILL NOT.  “Together we are strong, together we are fierce, together we stand”.

Police Officer Story

by Diana Festejo | Jul 1, 2020 | Client Stories

My Story as a Police Officer

Flashing lights, burning buildings, and “Police Line Do Not Cross” tape—these are the realities of a police officer’s life. In the midst of crisis, our job is to respond when people are at their most vulnerable. While some may call us heroes, we are simply ordinary people called to a profession that confronts the brokenness of the world. I know firsthand the everyday struggles that First Responders face. I am one.

Throughout my career, I’ve witnessed death, responded to violent crimes, and faced dangerous situations that most people would run from. I’ve delivered the worst news to grieving families, telling them their loved ones have passed away. The sights, sounds, and smells of trauma can haunt you. We are trained to control situations, to stay composed, but it’s hard to turn off those emotions when you walk through the door at home. We’re not supposed to admit we need help. After all, heroes don’t have emotional breakdowns, especially not in front of their families or at work.

Despite my efforts to maintain a normal life, I struggled with anxiety. Simple, everyday things would remind me of past traumatic events, and the weight of my work began to overwhelm me. At home, I was distant, angry, and emotionally unavailable. My family didn’t know when I’d be home or what I would bring with me emotionally when I walked through the door. One day, it all came crashing down, and I found myself with my bags by the door—my family had reached their breaking point and told me to get help.

At first, I was hesitant. I had heard about Legacy Place Society and the support they offer to First Responders (including Police) and military families, but I didn’t think it applied to me. Stubbornly, I convinced myself I could handle it on my own. However, that didn’t last long. I soon realized that I couldn’t do it alone.

Legacy Place Society offered me the support I needed. They provided confidential accommodation in a quiet, peaceful setting, away from the triggers of my daily life. In this space, I was surrounded by others who understood what I was going through. There was no need to “put on a happy face” or hide my emotions; I could express what I was feeling without fear of judgment or losing my job. This was a place where healing could begin—a place of support and encouragement.

The first days were difficult, battling the urge to walk away or fear that I wouldn’t make it through. But after conversations with others and professional counseling, I started to realize that I could get through it. With time, I grew stronger. I learned to make tough decisions, change my behavior, and rebuild my relationship with my family. Plus, I found the courage to share this newfound resiliency with my co-workers.

I now understand that this isn’t a matter of “if” it happens, but “when.” Mental health struggles are part of this profession, and it’s important to be prepared. I am grateful for the support from my family and the encouragement I received from Legacy Place Society.

Through this experience, I have become a stronger person, not only for myself but for those around me. I am thankful for the opportunity to heal and grow, and I encourage others in similar situations to reach out for the support they need.