A Rural Firefighter’s Journey with Trauma and Resilience

The Question I Always Get After a Shift

As a rural fire department paramedic, I often get asked the same question after finishing a long shift: “Did you have a bad night?” My wife, Michelle, is the one who asks. Most mornings, I respond with, “It was all right.” But some shifts are harder to forget.

A Call That Shook Me

A few months ago, during one particular shift, things took a dramatic turn. Shortly after 3 p.m., my partner and I were dispatched to a call about a child struck by a vehicle. As we headed to the scene, an update came over the radio: “Shots fired, multiple victims.” My anxiety levels shot up as I mentally prepared for what I might encounter. When we arrived, chaos unfolded before us.

The scene was overwhelming. A middle-aged man was receiving CPR from firefighters after suffering a gunshot wound. Nearby, a teenager was also receiving medical attention, and I quickly assessed their condition. Then, a firefighter directed me to the child struck by the car. I uncovered the blanket to reveal the extent of the toddler’s injuries, and I knew there was nothing we could do.

The Increasing Frequency of Violent Calls

This call, which involved violence and tragedy, is just one of many I’ve responded to during my 9 years with the department. A few years ago, calls like this one were rare. Now, they seem to happen more frequently, with stabbings, shootings, and violence appearing at least once or twice a week.

The First Traumatic Call I Remember

The first tragic call I remember was for an infant who wasn’t breathing. I arrived to find a child who appeared to have starved to death, and there was nothing I could do. It was the worst thing I had ever seen, and it’s still a memory I carry with me.

Calls Involving Children Are Especially Hard

Calls involving children are especially difficult for me since becoming a father. A few years ago, I responded to three fatal shootings in one shift. These experiences leave their mark, and some calls are too painful to relive. Even nonviolent calls can pose risks. Once, a rural firefighter was shot while transferring a patient into an ambulance, a reminder that danger is always present.

Why I Love What I Do

Despite the trauma, I love what I do. I joined the rural fire department after high school, following in my father’s footsteps, and later became a paramedic. Over the years, I’ve witnessed the transformation of our town into a small city, and my commitment to helping people remains unwavering.

How I Cope with the Stress of the Job

On the scene, my training takes over. I focus on the task at hand, caring for the victims and completing necessary procedures. There’s no time to form emotional attachments. When the shift ends, I try to leave the emotions behind, although it’s not always easy. My department prioritizes mental health, offering debriefings and support after critical incidents to help emergency workers cope with stress.

The Importance of Debriefing and Peer Support

For example, after a traumatic call involving a child’s death, we hold diffusing sessions where we can share what we saw and how we feel. These sessions help us process the trauma before it becomes overwhelming. Additionally, a peer support team provides an outlet for those who need someone to listen. While not counselors, they offer a safe space to talk.

Lingering Thoughts After the Scene

The events of that tragic day linger in my mind. The 2-year-old who was hit by a vehicle, the shooter who took the life of a man, and the wounded teenager. The aftermath was chaotic, and even after my report was completed, I continued to care for others at the scene.

Reflecting on the Shift

Later, when the adrenaline wore off and the shift ended, I found myself reflecting on the details of the day. It’s always hardest when the shift is over and I’m heading home. I walk through the door, exhausted, and my family is eager for my attention. But how do I explain the horrors I witnessed? I don’t. I simply tell them I’m fine and go take a nap. It’s not easy, but it’s the reality of my job.